what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
