i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
