I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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