My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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