it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
