Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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