another moral hangover. fuck.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
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He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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