Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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