Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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