i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
