mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Enjoy the penises
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
