did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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