So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
