guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
jump out the window naked night went bad
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