he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
