hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
