the condom got lost in my hair
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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