about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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