question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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