Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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