Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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