nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
