fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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