If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
