I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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