she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
A+ Viking dick
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
