Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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