This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
