only you would photoshop your dick
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
