we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
