i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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