Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
