just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
