By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he was CRYING into my vagina
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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