I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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