You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
