I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
