I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
