i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The adults are the big ones right?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
