NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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