I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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