I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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