your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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