apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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