I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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