I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Text me some of your sweat
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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