we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
