dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
