Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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