So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
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My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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