you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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