Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
