oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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