so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
