he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
