you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize