Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The Olympian is in my bed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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