This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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