Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
