Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
