Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
