I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
