its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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